They screw you at the drive-through
Posted on February 3, 2004
Filed Under /dev/null/ | 139 views |
This morning it occurred to me that I still had a long-dormant E*Trade account I’d completely forgotten about. Wondering what might still be in it I wandered over and tried to log in. Given that I’d opened it during the dot-com boom and hadn’t used it in about three years I figured I’d find it chock full of dead dot-com bodies and penny stocks.
Instead I was informed that I couldn’t access my account, that I must immediatelly call a customer service number. I did and was pleasantly informed that since E*Trade no longer had my current address on file and could no longer send me snail mail they’d suspended my account some years ago. In order to re-activate it I had to fax them something with my current address clearly printed on it - phone bill, cable bill - to prove new residency. “Fair enough”, I thought, though it seemed a lot of trouble to go through for something I didn’t care much about at all.
Didn’t care, that was, until it was mentioned in passing that I also owed E*Trade $46.21 in outstanding fees. “Fees?”, I exclaimed, “for what? I haven’t used this account in years.”
Imagine my surprise to discover that last year E*Trade istituted a dormancy policy: if your fail to make at least two trades in any given quarter they charge you $15.00. That’s right: if you do not use their service in any way, they charge you for it. ‘Course if you do use their servive they presumably charge you for that too. For the past year E*Trade has been charging me for doing absolutely nothing, and haven’t been telling me about it because they couldn’t find me. Presumably had my curiosity not been peaked they’d happily go on charging me this fee for enternity.
Not surprisingly the tone of the conversation degenerated sharply on both sides at this point. Evidently E*Trade support staff are not well-trained to deal with incredulty or scorn. Nor could the customer service person seem to understand why I might be annoyed that the for-doing-absolutely-jack-all fees they’re charging me might actually be considerably greater than the actual value of the account in question.
If only words could describe the co-mingled feeling of awe and deep, pure loathing that I currently feel towards E*Trade.
More tales of E*Trade “fees” at ConsumerAffairs.com. Looks like I’m getting off easy by comparison.
Dear E*Trade: bite me.
Comments
2 Responses to “They screw you at the drive-through”
This illustrates why every American should be required to own an assault rifle,at least ten high capacity magazines and several thousand rounds of ammunition.
Actually,I didn’t suggest shooting anybody or anything.The local constabulary as well as Miss Manners would frown on such behavior.This only serves to illustrate why every American should be required to drink large quantities of tequila,dress as Little Bo Peep and be made to tap dance while playing an accordion.